AL-HAMDuLILLAH KRF arranged first lecture on PREMARITAL COUNSELLING. It was healthy participation on the subject by all attendees. KRF expect to expand the Subject to Girls Schools and colleges for their Consumption and awareness before they Get married. We as society are mute about most sensitive issues and now is the time to educate our young generation about their future. Viewers are expected to leave a comment on the subject for Our guidance.
Post Event Comments: A healthy debate was generated during this session. Participants were asked to give about their views and accounts as per their experiences . It included an unmarried account , a married and one pertaining to divorced and separation. It was revelation to know the views of participants from three different back grounds . In case of Unmarried account the picture seem very ambitious , hoping to have a similar treatment as per her loving parent and to be independent in her in laws as working lady . She also desired no to be intimated and given respect as per her status in the family . A married account included nothing but Complaints from a affected daughter in law and typical of our society and ancient in laws behavior.. last but not the least divorced account was painful pertaining to hardships from husband and mother in law and others.
if we analyze the whole scenario all three belonged to different families but part of same society . Barring the two last accounts If we concentrate on the Unmarried account which was like a dream and full of ambitions . We generated this discussion for the Unmarried young Girls who are yet to undergo experience of getting married and be part of new environment . I suggest that in present environments if we can teach our Young generation few tips that would be much better and Our society may not encounter two other account mentioned above . Our Religion give us peaceful teachings of equality love and affection for woman folks . ALLAH SWT has gifted woman best blessings in our society to be daughter mother sister and a wife . She is to be respected and given equal rights in Our society even after her marriage .
PREMARITAL Counselling in present day era is very important . Its sensitive topic and can be subject to severe criticism from different segment of our culture and society being controversial as it may be termed as rebellion . This Topic by no means is to give a warning to our young generation about their future in laws but a kind of awareness how they can carry themselves with dignity and pride among the new family . Parent and elders like grand grandmother are only institution before a girl is married . But all that syllabus is now becoming obsolete at present . Mind set of our young girls is also polluted by internet mobiles culture thus giving rise to unsuccessful marriages and thereafter leading to divorces . In Pakistan only divorce rate is increasingly dangerously . According to survey in 2011 more 557 divorces were reported in Islamabad only where as in 2008 this ration was 208. This can be largely attributed to adolescence marriages , face book inert net mobiles love marriages Misunderstanding’s among couples and many others factors .
Here is need to address this issue by providing awareness to Our young generations for happy post married life .
- Try to understand your husbands ,match their frequencies like dislikes etc . Now all this depends how you will be tied up with your future husband either arranged or married outside the family circle. It all depends on your circumstances under which you are getting married . Situation is much different after marriage once you meet your husband so get to know him very important .Your Husband is your best friend and best buddy and going against his wishes may cost you heavy in your future life . It’s not surrendering but setting your priorities versus your Husband attitude. .Your husband is not clay toy that you can mold the way you like . Provide space to each other and accept each with mental equilibrium . A balanced approach and COMPROMISE is best situation to handle your future husband .
- Once landed in laws remember to observe your surroundings and do not try to reach and conclude your decision about any issue and matter at new place . Any decision in haste can land you in trouble waters .
- Our most of marriages are arranged and in join family system barring other scenarios where marriages are arranged outside the family or due to some other factors . Once you are married in a joint family system , you have joined a crowed and your husband is part of that crowed and will always be part of this crowdy system. You are new in this system and to start with keep your assessment and arguments / and impressions to yourself as you have to create your identity in the new place . You will be facing a mother in law a father in law a or few sisters of your beloved husband and you have to be create your space in the system by making all of them your friend .
- Avoid Complaining Attitude as you are being observed and watched by so many other in same Home . You may not be liking their habits eating dresses way of living etc. Never complain with your husband about them because remember your husband is part of that system since ages and will hardly agree with you . Your complain may spoil the situation and you will face tough opposition including your husband . God forbid any such scenario occurs be cool think positive try to pacify the aggressor and ensure such scene is not painted next time . Its your resolution and patience which can win the ball room .
- Living with dignity and Pride . Initially you will be facing problems like Kitchen house hold is examination hall of new bride . Mind you before you there were better cook than you like your mother in law etc and your instant intervention to be queen of kitchen may be criticized. Remember you will be running that kitchen at daily basis so go slow wait for Good time to cook independently for your husband and his family . As the time will pass you will grow stronger .
- Your Meka Vs your In-laws. Every married girl keep her parents brothers and sisters very close to her heart and after marriage MEKA becomes a controversial place in eyes of your in-laws . You will miss your back home lot and would like to visit time and again alone or with your husband . If you will make frequent visits to your MEKA then your in-laws will develop an impression that you do not like them or you are not comfortable in new place .Be good have patience and if you show restrain your in law will allow you themselves to visit your Meka .
- Thinks before you speak is thumb rule to win a situation . Once at your in -laws do not boast about your father business , your brother new car, your mother new jewelry . All such superfluous statements will put your in-laws in inferiority complex and you will be prime target for their revenge .
- Friendship within the Flock . make friends win hearts do not make enemies as soon you encounter strangers in new family . Do not try to overcome in new situation and accept peoples around you as they are whether is mother in law or her married or un married daughters . Have habit to absorb shocks within the new system ,its difficult job but can be handled .
- Most of the divorces in our society occur due to working ladies . Bride want to continue and in laws raising serious concerns over this new desire . Either get it settled before marriage that you want to continue after marriage , and with consent of your husband and his family . And if this doesn’t materialized then show patience and restrain wait for better time then you can restart your job that to with consent of your husband and other parties opposing your job.
- Divorce is most painful Halal action allowed in Our religion . In case of any dispute think and analyze what will happen afterwards . In our society Divorcees are look down upon and pass miserable life afterwards . Avoid any such occurrences which can lead to this painful act . Remember nothing will happen to your EX Husband he will remarry and only sufferer will be YOU .
There is no book written to enjoy happy marriage life , there are no golden Ideologies to please your In – laws .You are master of the game , captain of your Soul to draft resolution for your future life . Many of you may not agree with me , and I agree with you as well that above tips are not workable in wake of our new generation living styles but what is solution ? To me successful marriage is nothing but COMPROMISE between two parties and life goes on with golden and silver jubilee’s. I Humbly request all readers to give some feed back over this issue . we are ready to talk to boys and girls both on the subject and teach some doctrine of peaceful marriage .